Today, the relationship revolves around the individual. Now up to a certain agree it has always been like this, but it seems as though modern times has shifted the pendulum more so in the direction of the individual.
When it comes to relationships we all have idiosyncratic tastes, meaning we all have features that we are looking for in a potential life partner, but as time has progressed in the 21st century, we have come to expect more.
Commitment issues have seeped into the modern relationship. It seems to me that this is because of two things: the introduction of the smart phone and radical feminism.
The smart phone has produced a culture of non-commitment. This age has provided the user limitless choice, and freedom to roam their world however they please, without guide or instruction. If the person does not like a video, that’s fine, just watch a different one. If a person is not entertained by a website, totally cool~ just choose another one of the millions, if not billions, of others. You don’t like your boyfriend/girlfriend? Just keep swiping until you find the one that you do.
I feel as though it was only 15 or so years ago where if you did not like the movie you were watching, you had to suck it up and wait till the next day where you could go to blockbusters, or where ever you borrowed the dvd/tape to pick out a different movie. If you did not like the movie, you would usually have to just watch the entire thing anyways.
Now, I’m not saying the past was perfect either, but one thing that it has an advantage over modern times is that people were more committed to their actions and their consequences. Today, people mindlessly act without thinking about the consequences of their actions.
In the past, where Feminism use to mean equality of the sexes, today, it has evolved into a spiteful, hateful, and misandristic machine. It would take more than one blog post to list out the effects of Radical feminism, but the main effects that have directly to do with today’s topic are as such: false ego, victim mentality, and undeserved selfishness.
This effect did not solely occur because of R.F., but was also a by-product of the smart phone. It has been proven that because of dating apps, women who have lower sexual value no longer choose men within their sexual value range. If we were to place a number value from 1-10 on men and women, then the top 20% of each sex would have choice over 80% of the opposite sex(this is called the Pareto distribution). However today, it has skewed where the top 20% would get something like 90-95% of choice, and 5-10% would be left over for the remaining 80%. And this is because dating apps give both choice, and also the illusion of choice, especially for females.
The dating app allows the user to swipe through their city, from the unattractive to the very attractive. This fact paired by the additional fact that men who use the app will swipe on women that they do not find attractive, but because they believe they will have an easier time seducing them, has created an inflation in female ego.
When the female gets her numerous matches, she does not think to herself, “These men swiped right because I look like an easy girl, not an attractive one”, instead they think, “Wow. . . all these men think I’m attractive. I must be pretty hot~”. It seems as though these women can come to this conclusion because the type of women that attracted to these apps are insecure to begin with. And so this comforting type of thought is much more easily concluded by the women that use the apps.
R.F. has told women that they are “Perfect just the way they are”, that “Fat is beautiful”, and that “If he can’t handle you at your worst, then he doesn’t deserve you at your best”. On top of that, they are told that they are victims of a patriarchy, and that men are at fault for their disadvantages.
You see, once you blame something for all of your problems, you give away your power, your ability to fix your problems. It is only through taking responsibility of your own life and problems where you can then begin to fix them. But if you tell yourself that you are not at fault, and that some outside patriarchal machine caused you to be this way, then you give up any power to change.
Now I believe that most women are not like this. I’d say that maybe 20-30% of women think like this. As women get older, I believe that this percentage decreases, however, as the age range decreases, I believe the percentage increases, and this is what makes it so dangerous.
Girls from 20-30 have increasingly inflated their ego with these types of ideas. And what is my big problem with this?
You have to deserve the partner you desire.
Too many women are too quick to know how they want their future husband to look like, and too quick to blank out when I ask them what kind of women would they have to be to deserve that type of man.
Men have this problem as well too. The ego inflation seems to have occurred in men as well, although not to the same extant for women, but it still seems to be there. This is true largely for the top 20% that have gotten in increase number of choice. The remaining 80% have been largely unaffected or have faced ego deflation, but the top tier men who have the highest sexual market value, I believe are dealing with a smaller amount of ego inflation.
Now what this does for relationships is that both partners are not willing to put in the amount of work necessary to make a relationship work. People are too quick to pull the trigger of breaking up or divorce.
Women are no longer willing to be good wives.
Men do not have their permission to be good husbands.
(A lot of problems there, so be patient with me)
The traditional wife has gone under fire by media and R.F. groups for being sexist and misogynistic. And they have point, however, I do not think as a whole the traditional wife is misogynistic, but there are parts of which that are, and parts that are not.
Before the modern era, the housewife role was probably overvalued. Meaning that too many women were pushed to do so, and most likely meant for a loss in potential talent and productivity.
However today, I believe it is undervalued. The housewife is seen as a demeaning role, and so women that actually wish to be housewives are shunned by other women, and men that want to have a housewife are shunned and deemed as sexist, misogynists, and everything in-between.
Case and point
Although this video has gotten a lot of positive reaction, this video has over 4000 dislikes, half the amount of likes the video has received.
This honest approach to a lifestyle that Sarah Therese has chosen for herself has been critiqued and condemned, and I believe this shows a fatal error in thinking of the youth of this country.
I put quotation marks around “men” for a reason. As I stated above, men are looking for permission to be a good husband. The males of today cater too much to the needs of women, and put them on a pedestal that is undeserved.
In pop. culture, men are represented as the dumber sex. I am talking about the husband that needs his wife to fix everything for him, the boyfriend that needs to be led by his girlfriend. If you watch closely to tv shows and movies that have been released the past couple of years, it shows the woman kissing first, the woman initiating contact, conversation, and coitus.
If you consume this media from the time you were a child, this becomes what you think. The men that are tough and strong, are depicted as mean, dumb, muscle-heads. Traditionally masculine ideals have been destroyed by media, and feminine ideals praised. Which is why you have an increase in a term that I dread– Soy Boys.
(If you want a definition: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Soy%20Boy)
If you look at the influx of commercials that praise men for being Soy Boys(i.e. the Gillette commercial), it is no wonder why these type of men have been on the rise. Men will always want to be popular with women, and they will blindly listen to what women tell them they want them to be like. The only problem is that people in general have no idea what is good for them and what they should want.
The social justice warrior, the white knight, the liberal snowflake, the soy boy, all these types that men proudly describe themselves as in order to attract men has poisoned the minds of the youth. Why?
Because it is actually not what women find attractive in men.
Traditionally masculine ideals did not persist because of some patriarchal dominance, but because that is what have been sexually been tested to be true and attractive throughout time.
Women want strong dominate men. Men who can lead, provide, and is seen as attractive by other women.
And so, we have a double whammy of problems. Women’s egos are inflating, and men’s egos are deflating.
What has to happen?
I believe that we have to be more honest about traditional gender roles, and gender roles in general. The conclusion that we come to, has to be inconclusive. Meaning, it has to be amendable. What we know today, will not be what we know tomorrow, and having that in mind, we should come to a conclusion that we know is not perfect, but is closer to the truth than it was yesterday, and that we must strive for it to be even closer tomorrow.