Giving up on a Friend

Not too long ago, I had a phone call with a friend of mine, where I had to rebuke him. This was a friend that I have been trying to help for quite a long time, almost half a decade, and I knew him for a lot longer. And I believe that it is only okay to rebuke someone when you have exhausted the amount of attempts that I have.

Although I forget the exact reason that I rebuked him, because it was so long ago, I remember why I did so. After helping him for so long, I saw that he did not truly respect what I told him, and did not adhere to my advice. Now if this were the only part, then I would be wrong to rebuke, because maybe I just was not clear enough, or maybe I was not trying in the right way to get through to this person. Sadly, this was not the case.

What I found instead was that he completely understood what I was telling him, and that he was just not putting the effort. He was also deceitful. I make the comparison to the age old saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can not make it drink”. And even if this was all that happened, I still do not think it would have been right for me to rebuke him, sadly, there was more.

This was not the first time. He had done this over and over, and I reluctantly showed him grace over and over.

And to me, at that moment, it was the last straw. I had enough of helping him, and seeing 0 return on my investment. It just felt like a complete waste of time. I did not say anything to him that was untruthful, I was completely honest, and yes, I was hurtful.

Sadly, this did not make him learn.

A couple of months go by, he never apologizes to me, or musters up the courage to reach out to me. I graduate from university, and he did not come to my graduation, even though he promised that he would no matter what, I even bought an extra ticket for him, and waited for his text, it never came. Then I go back home, where I will be forced to see him once again, because he visits the church I go to occasionally.

I see him there, and I decided to just forgive him, and let what happened in the past to stay in the past, and I become friendly with him right away. And things go fine for the first month or so, and he seemed eager to learn, and just be around me. He wanted to take responsibility in his own life, and he wanted me to help him again. Although this time I offered, he was eager to say yes. And this time, I made it clear that he would have to take effective notes, as well as prepare outside of the lesson time period if I were to teach him this time. He confidently said that he would prepare, and so I agreed to help him in his quest to learn more and to be able to teach those who he wish to gain the respect of.

And so, he comes on time to the scheduled meeting place, and I teach him for about an hour, and I see that he is taking notes, and the lesson goes well. I felt as though I was clear in my thoughts, and that my lecture was well organized and thorough. To make sure that I was not the only one thinking this, I asked if there was anything that he wanted me to repeat or that he did not get, so that I can make sure he understood everything, as well as what he though about the lesson. There was one thing that I repeated for him, and then he said he got everything, and that he took effective notes, and that he really liked the lesson.

Of course I told him to prepare to teach me, that was a part of the deal that if I were to teach him, in order to make sure that he understood what I said, he would have to prepare his own lesson, and teach what I taught him to prove that he actually learned.

And so the promised allotted time goes by, and then a couple of more days, and he finally arrives to the meeting place, and after some lunch, he finally started to “teach”. What I heard was quite frankly. . .pathetic. His level of preparation, or lack thereof, was obvious.

He had pages of notes, and yet it was clear to me that he did not understand anything that I had said. His lecture style was therefor horrible, because he had nothing to say. He only got 1% of my lesson. I was so taken aback that I didn’t even get angry, I just laughed, because I was so flabbergasted.

I then gave him a chance to ask me questions so we could recover what he did not understand. And he never did. He asked me maybe 2 questions. I then firmly told him to leave. He gave me a pathetic apology, and then he just left.

I have not heard from him in about 2 weeks.

The point of this blog post is to ask you, my readers, my simpletons, what should I do?



One thought on “Giving up on a Friend

  1. It hurts a lot.. But i think u should really give up on him.. He didn’t even use perfectly his last chance.. To be honest i received a notification of this blog in my email but didn’t want to read it because i had the same problem with someone.. I gave her a lot of chances for years but nothing changed… So at the end i gave up.. Really sooo painful


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s