Since I was 17, I began a process of vetting friends, and in the past 5 years, I have reduced the amount of friends that I have by 95-99%, and have increased my overall happiness many fold. Now that my sound ironic, but if you have been reading my blog for a while, then you should already know my arguments.
When it comes to selecting friends, you need to first understand what you need. There are 3 friends that you should have first.
- Someone you can mentor.
- Someone at your Level
- Someone at a level you want to be
For the person that you can mentor, this should be someone that is not quite where you are at, someone that is willing to learn, self-improve, and most importantly, will listen to your instruction. I cannot tell you how many countless hours I have wasted people that acted like they were willing to learn and change, but once the rubber met the road, they gave way, and no progress was made. This is how you will give back to society, as well as relearn the lessons that you have learned already. There is no way better to learn something then to have to teach what you learned yourself.
For the person at your level, this person should be more or less where you are currently. This person serves as a measuring stick, to measure yourself, where you are, your progress, and how much better you could be doing. You guys should keep each other in check. This is the person that you should be brutally honest with, and visa versa. You guys should constantly be pushing each other, and trying to outdo each other, while cheering each other on the whole way. This person should be your rival, and your best friend. Goku and Vegeta.
For the person at the level you want to be, this person is your mentor. This person will be your guide. This is probably the most crucial person to success. My biggest spurts of growth, they all had mentors, people guiding the path that I was on. Luckily, I had my first mentor when I was very young, when I was still a teenager. If it were not for him, I can honestly say that I would not be where I am today, and I would probably being living a much worse life than I am. Find someone that is where you dream to be, and if that is too hard, find someone that is just successful(money, health, and relationships), and then reach out to them. You would be surprised how often they would be willing to teach you.
Now once you have met those three criteria. You can now look for regular friends. Here are couple of key characteristics that my friends must have when I am searching:
- They must have an intimate knowledge of something, better if it is something that I do not know about.
- They must totally outclass me in something. (I have made best friends with someone, precisely because they had a rigid moral code that they would never betray)
- They Must prioritize their success, health, and relationships(usually in that order haha)
- NO LAZINESS.
- They must have resolve, does not have to be as much as me, but must have enough.
- Must constantly be trying to improve. Baby steps are fine.
Now this only works if you have already vetted your friends. If you do not, then your values will clash, and you will ultimately fail in this pursuit. You have to be consistent with your values and upkeep your integrity. Vetting your friends is a prerequisite to making them.
- They insult you or discourage you.
- They are constantly late.
- They ask you for favors, but are never there when you need them.
GET THESE PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR LIFE. THEY ARE SCUM. THEY ARE TOXIC, AND WILL ONLY HOLD YOU BACK.
It’s that simple,
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