Controlling People’s Frame

Whether it comes to flirting, job interviews, normal conversations, or even life/death situations, controlling your frame, and ultimately others will be a great tool for you to get ahead in life.

Now what do I mean by frame? Frame is more than a perspective. It is not just how you view things, but it is an active pursuit to direct your situation to match your values specifically. Now doing these things do a couple of things.

  1. Proves that you actually have values.
  2. Makes you look confident because you have values that you believe should be prioritized.
  3. sprouting from 2, makes you seem like a high value person, because you have values that must be met.

The whole key to controlling the frame is being assertive and having an abundance mentality. So let’s take flirting for example; controlling the frame is to be in control of the relationship, the date, or the encounters.

Most men let women take control of the frame, this is why most men are nice guys, and most men do not get the girl of their dreams, or at least the ONE that they want. Reflecting back to an earlier post where I talked about the Pareto Principal or the 80/20 law, about 20% of men get somewhere between 80-95% of the heterosexual sex that the male gender has entirely, leaving the 20% to share the 5-20% leftovers. This is because most men do not know how to control the frame of the conversation when they are talking to women.

Too often, when a man and woman are on a date, if the woman says something, the man will agree automatically, instead of taking time to digest what the person has said, and then thinking whether they actually agree or not.

For men, when you are on a date, and a woman does something that you do not like, and you call her out on it(without being rude of course, and try to be more playful), this will make you come off as someone that has values, and as someone that knows what they want.

The same thing goes for women, and men react the same way, but the only problem is that the men that try to become what they think you want, ultimately end up looking even more unattractive.

Another big part of controlling frame is the abundance mentality. This equates to you being okay with the conversation, the job, the date to go right down the shitter if it does not adopt your frame. Meaning, if the date does not accept your frame, you leave. If the job does not accept your frame, you leave. If the situation you are in does not accept your frame, you leave. Why? One, because they are your values and you should never sell your integrity, and two, because you have other options.

On a date, if you let it known that you are willing to leave if the person does not match your standards, you will become ultimately more attractive, because you subliminally tell them that you are someone of high value that will not settle, and also that you have other options, that you have an abundance. Nothing is more attractive to a woman, than a man that knows his value, and has other women lined up for him.

In a job interview, instead of coming from a position of you need this job, you have power now, because you show that you have options lined up, and care more of whether you will fit the company, instead of a paycheck. This makes you infinitely more attractive to the people that are looking to hire you.

So in order to control the frame, you must first settle you values, and make sure that you know what they are specifically. Then, you have to be assertive, and understand innately that you have options, that you have an abundance.

It’s that simple,


Please share this if you liked this post, it really helps.

And if you have any questions please ask them down below!


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