I consider myself somewhat lucky, because of the people that I stumbled upon, and the books that I was introduced to as a youth, and when I needed them. One of the worst things about experiencing high amounts of pain during childhood is self blame. This is because of the nearly godly attributes that we place on our parents. This is because of the role that our parents play in our lives. They are our source for everything, food, shelter, etc, and so we elevate them in our heads, and to us, they can do no wrong. Which is for the most part fine, if you have a well functioning family. But the true damage begins when you don’t.
What happens if you have an abusive mother and/or father? Well, since they can do no wrong in your mind, the only person you blame is yourself. You look within yourself, and think of what you could have possibly done wrong to make them treat you so badly. And what this does is cause immense distrust in one’s self, because often you will not know what you did wrong, and since you can not tell, instead of thinking that maybe it is not your fault, you think that you are blind to how evil you are, and so you start to stop trusting yourself. Which is of course what leads to self-doubt.
I had very little confidence as a child. I felt hopeless in my family life, and in my school life, and so it was hard for me to accomplish anything. Luckily, constant exercise kept my spirits up, and I could escape through my friends at school or in my room with drawing, toys, or video games, and so, I was able to somewhat survive. However, the experience of such pain does not only lead to self doubt, the self doubt leads to the main thing that I wanted to talk about– language.
I think one of the biggest changes that one can make is to simply change the way they talk. Try this challenge that I got from Jordan Peterson,
Do not say anything that will make you weak.
Try it for one week, and you will find that almost 95% of what you say are things that would make you weak.
As a society I believe that we do not pay enough respect to words. There is a reason that the biblical writers depicted creation through Yaweh first saying, “Let there be light”. Words are power. We are literally creating ideas out of thin air. And when we are warped by the pain of our lives, our words get warped as well.
We say things with words like; can’t, won’t, won’t work, never, no, etc. I make it an effort to never say can, and switch it to will. I make it an effort to never say maybe. I make sure that I say things with confidence.
The pain of language is created by the negative stimuli that you experienced in your past, and your brain trying to protect you from experiencing those things ever again. This worked thousands of years ago, but will kill you today. So what do you have to do?
On top of the advice that I gave in the previous blog post. Make sure to fix your words. For one week, try to not say anything that will make you weak.
Another useful tool is a Power Journal. This is something that I created, but every morning, I write down reminders.
This is what I wrote down this morning,
Do not lie, at least do not lie to yourself. Do not say things that make you weak. Be strong, because you are. You are made of the toughest material on earth. You have no idea the strength and potential that you hold. Make sure to try to find out. And have fun at work. And do not forget to make reservations, or to bring the joe joes haha.
Write down things that empower you, and remind you to not get in your own way. You will find that you will be able to make leap and bounds when compared to before.
It’s that simple,
Test it out and tell me down below what you guys thought, and if you guys like this series.
Next post, I will talk about how Pain turns into strength