Recently, I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I realized that I have a lot of problems that need to be dealt with that I have been sort of pushing out of the way. I have made it a habit of mine to spend some time to write down my thoughts and make discoveries about myself. This is easier said then done, but I would like to be beacon of hope for some people that are going through the same thing as me. And so, here are some of my realizations from trying to figure myself out.
If it took you days to figure out one truth, it is not because you are bad at figuring yourself out, it is because that discovery required the days of grinding away. It took an entire day for me to figure out my defense mechanisms. And I only realized it at the end of the day in bed, because during the day I was scouting my brain and thoughts, so that at night I can look at myself from an honest perspective.
It’s not going to happen overnight.
Once you discover something, do not just move on to the next issue without resolving the one you had already found. Finding the problem is only half the battle. Now you have to put on your work shoes and fix yourself. One major thing that I have discovered is that I have a defense mechanism when it comes to emotional pain. I tend to numb myself emotionally so that I won’t get hurt. The downside to this is that not only do I not feel sadness and pain, but I also do not feel happiness or joy either. It’s a double edged sword.
Although I do not know yet how I am going to get over this, but finding out how is going to be my next step. Which leads me to my next key~
It’s okay to not know the next step.
I’m pretty sure you felt the same or will feel the same when you actually sit down and try to figure yourself out for the first time. The key is to just sit there and write. The same goes for the handiwork of self-improvement. The key is not knowing where to start, the key is just starting. Pick any path and see where it takes you. I’m sure you can think of a couple of easy first steps to make to either help you heal, or help you start to heal.
Begin your journey today.
It’s that simple,