Like all of us, when I walk around I am self conscious of how I look(sometimes). If my hair is a little scuffled, or if my clothes are less presentable, I walk around feeling, to put it bluntly, ugly.
“Ah man, I bet she thinks I’m not good looking or worthy.”
“Ah she didn’t look at me, well that settles it. . . I’m ugly today”
Yep that was me.
Thankfully the story doesn’t end there. I am man of obsession and dissection. The only way I can understand something is if I understand every single component of the object of my attention. And so in the past it would take me a lot more time to understand and retain concepts than my peers, but once I understood something, I would have a much more deeper understanding than most people, and would usually excel. And so, with the same mindset, I attacked the concept of beauty.
The question I set out to answer was, “What does it mean to be beautiful?”
The biggest mistake I made while searching for the answer to my question was by starting outside of myself. I looked to the world for my answer. I modeled myself to my idols or beauty role models, and tried to walk, talk, and act like them. And so I looked up to people like Lee Min Ho and Daniel Craig.
I thought, “If I fake it till I make it, then I will become beautiful!”
And although that type of thinking did work for me a while, there was one major flaw-I had to put on a face. I’m not talking about lying to myself, I’m actually talking about the effort I had to put in to be a James Bond or a Lee Min Ho. It was something that I had to consciously do. And since I had to put in effort, it was not the beauty I was looking for.
I was looking for natural beauty. The way I look at beauty is, when I think of the most beautiful people I have ever seen and met, they radiated beauty like the sun radiated heat. It was a part of who they were. It was natural for them to be beautiful. And if I had to act, move, use energy to be beautiful, then I was going in the wrong direction in my eyes. And that’s when I figured it out. This was my aha moment, my EUREKA!
If I wanted to be a naturally beautiful person, then the answer I am searching for is not out in the world, but rather within myself. But there was a second part to the answer that was equally important. In order to find my answer, I would need to use the outside world as my guide. This important shift in perspective changed everything.
And so instead of looking to fashion, male models, and working out, I turned to books. The most beautiful people were beautiful because they all had different belief systems that allowed them to naturally live a certain way. I needed to reconstruct myself from the bottom up. And this is where things started to get very interesting.
Tune in next week for the next episode.