I am sorry, but this post will deal with specifically male problems. Forgive me ladies, but I am also a man, and so in order to be completely transparent, I must be who I am, and that is a man. But this should not bar you from reading on, because there are many gems throughout this post that have to do with goal execution and success. Please enjoy, and thank you.
Now if there were to ever be an intellectual epidemic amongst men, it would have to be the effects of pornography. Nearly ubiquitous within the male population, unless you do not have access to an internet connection, or you are some sort of moral paragon, pretty much all of us men have fallen to porn.
Now here is the light at the end of your dark tunnel, the damage is reversible. I have stopped for only a little while, and I have already begun to see progress.
- I can appreciate natural beauty.
- It no longer takes much for something to be erotic for me.
- The mystery behind sexuality is slowly, but surely returning.
So do not fret, hope is still there within you.
Some necessary ground
An addiction to porn is like an addiction to anything, it is a vicious cycle of introductory, extraordinary pleasure, which ultimately leads to lower self-image or the erosion of social skill and ability. Now, I am not a doctor, so do not take my word for gospel, this is just from my personal experience, and from what I have read.
I have been fighting this fight for almost half of my life, and I never thought I would win this battle. But yet, I still persisted. Although I knew that it was a pointless battle, I would still fight. And I went to somewhat of an extreme with my addiction, and really that is what woke me up to the idea of that I had a problem. And that is how the fight began.
Perfect the Minutiae
But I am not going to tell you about my journey, or how I started. I’m going to tell you how I ended it, and how I am recovering. In order to successfully execute a maneuver, the minutiae most be executed perfectly. This is something I learned from a podcast with Tim Ferriss, and a world renown, olympic gold medalist, ski jumper, Shaun White. Shaun asked Tim, what he thought the 3 most important turns were during the entire process of executing a ski jump. After some guesses, Shaun continued to explain what he thought were the 3 most important.
The three most important turns were the turns he made before going on the lift, when he got on, and when he got off. If the minutiae are not dealt with the same amount of professionalism as the biggest task, then you have already barred yourself form performing perfectly. If you do not start with perfection and maturity, you will not end with it.
Now to tie it all together. I discovered this on the off chance of meeting a friend, who to me, is a paragon of morality and strict principality. He was not tempted to gawk at women, nor would he purposely “check someone out”. I was very moved, and so I decided to go a step further, and I disallowed myself from looking at ass entirely.
And after a few weeks, something amazing happened. I would not tempt myself. Many of the times, we fall because we slowly allow ourselves some liberties with out desires and appetites. A glance here, a look there, and we continue to give ourselves liberties, until everything spills over. And I was always aware of this, but I did not put any proper restrictions in place to protect myself. And by having this goal of wanting to be a better man or a gentleman, I found this very protection.
By setting a bar of morality, I barred myself from budging. I stood my ground because I gave myself a strict principal that had nothing to do with pornography, “Don’t look at ass“, and I’m sure the separation from the idea of giving up porn made it a lot easier as well.
If you wish to have a perfect outcome, you must start with perfection. Maintain the attitude of professionalism and maturity from the beginning and the end of your trek.
Here’s to you,
P.S. Now this was obviously a very personal blog post for me, but I believe in transparency(here’s a vlog of me explaining why, start halfway through). I am not perfect, and I have many flaws. But I hope in my efforts to completely reveal myself and be genuine, that you will find community and growth.