In the light of recent events, I was reminded of how weak I am, and how much room I have to grow.
Things did not go as expected, and so I was the most vulnerable, and the smallest thing hit me the hardest.
Notice what I just said.
Look back and read it again.
Seriously. I’ll still be here, go back and reread what I just said.
Did you go back? Good.
When things did not go as expected, the smallest jabs feel like knock out punches. Why? Because you didn’t brace yourself for impact.
One of the teachings within stoic philosophy is expecting the worst to happen. Although I understood the practice intellectually, and have been using it for a while now, today I got a much stronger grip on it than ever before.
And the irony is that what happened to me was not that bad. I just got a bad grade on a quiz.
However, since I thought I did very well on the quiz, I was not expecting a good grade, and so I became vulnerable to the unexpected.
The purpose of the practice is not to become some cynical, negative, bore, but rather, the practice is used to equip you so that nothing comes as a surprise, and you are able to deal with things with a calm and centered mind, and hopefully, solve the issue as intelligently and swiftly as possible.
However, since I was not prepared, I was shocked, angry, boiling.
I was mad at myself for my own idiocy. I was unable to realize how unprepared I was for the quiz, and walked away from the test thinking that I actually did well.
I was unaware of my situation. That is what got to me.
Now, because of this, it affected my entire day.
For the first hour after I received my grade, I was unable to get any work done. I lost all motivation. And so I forced myself to watch some motivational videos, and some youtube videos of people I look up to(GaryVee), and I decided I needed to hustle.
I have allowed myself to go soft. After retiring my career as a chef, working 12-14 hour days, I realized that I no longer had the vice grip on life that I once had, or at least my fore arms got exhausted from the tension, and I decided to ease up a bit. But it has been nearly a year, and I think I have rested my forearms long enough, and I need to put them to the test once again.
I can no longer allow myself the luxury of procrastination or comfort. So, I have decided that I am going to work as hard as possible, and only rest when I eat and talk with my friends. I am going to release a video every day.
Let’s see if I can burn out this way~