If you have a type A personality like me, then you understand that we tend to stress ourselves out through overwork, putting too much on our plate, and stressing about over what we do not control, and so in turn, trying to control everything. From everything like my time and money, all the way to my relationships, I try to control exactly how they will be used and executed. And if you read my past sentence correctly, one might see the problems with doing that.
Trying to Control Everything
Our efforts as type A personalities is to take life into our own hands, and take control over our own destinies. And this usually allows for great amounts of success, but it also allows for general dissatisfaction with life. We shoot for the stars, but once we get there, we just look for the next one. Life becomes a treadmill, and once we master a speed, or a distance, we don’t get off to rest, instead we just hit the higher button. And if we were ever to realize that we could do so much better if we got off the treadmill every once in a while, we would not feel better, but we would also perform better. However, in our blind efforts to control everything, we are too afraid to let go of our key grip on the world, and so, we never do. I never do.
I am always in a state of interaction, and I forget that life is suppose to happen sometimes. And by dividing the world into positive interactions and negative ones, by making it so black and white, I tend to miss the neutral or gray. I assume the worst, and so I become needlessly defensive, or assume a position of defense.Often with no avail.
And this, of course, bleeds into my relationships. I try to control my girlfriends and friends too much. And if they do not adhere to my wishes, I often take that as an action of malice, without realizing that they have free will, and that what they did could have been the best choice for them. I get too caught up in my own thoughts, that I forget to catch up on others.
And what happens is that I become a manipulative friend, that “knows” what’s best for everyone, which is never the case. Paired with the habit of asking me for advice, I gain this false sense of ego, and it further reinforces the idea that I “know” what’s best.
But the truth of the matter is, I don’t. I do not know anything. I need to let go of my grip on life, and allow it to happen, and only control what I can, me. Let go of everyone else. Do not mistake ignorance/self-preservation for malice. Allow people to be.
Let it be,