The difference between a girl and woman is a conversation.
I have taken a few new endeavors in my life, one of them being a better man in terms of not gawking over every cute girl I see. And that is what they are at first, a girl.
When I lust at first sight, without any precursory information, I am lusting over a girl, not a woman. Whether they be sophisticated looking or not, or actually intelligent or not, the fact that I have not found out anything about the girl of my desires, mean that I am, in fact, being a boy. A man does not lust over a girl, or any woman. The man converses first, and his attraction slowly awakens once he discovers some personality traits that he finds attractive(Of course, this is all self-philosophy).
In my mind, a man has boundaries set in order to keep himself above his appetites. If a beautiful girl/woman(at this point I do not know which to use) sparks his interest, then he does not lust over her. He appreciates the aesthetic beauty. Lust does not come into the equation until the man and the, now mentally pronounced, woman has long been engaged in meaningful, conversational exploration.
Now what does that mean for me, and how have I applied this?
Well to be honest, most of the stuff I have written above, I have figured while writing this exact post, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t explored anything outside of this post. I have downloaded an app called Habitica, basically an app that is used to help cut out bad habits, and instill good ones, and I have used it for the following things; send pictures of flowers to my girlfriend, waking up at 6:30 am(although I wake up at 5:30 now, apparently), study Chinese, write a blog post, and not watch porn. It is basically an simple rpg game app, and it gives a little extra motivation to keep up with easy habits. I have found it very effective.
Now besides cutting out porn entirely(although originally I did it for my girlfriend, it was easier when she was next to me, but if you have been following along, then you know that I am in a long distance relationship), I have added an extra habit. “Don’t look at ass.”
I go to the gym almost everyday of the week, and I am sure you understand when I mean, “ass is everywhere”. Especially in today’s society, where my friend has called it, “The golden age of ass”. And so I have been under the habit of looking at what was presented for the longest time. And I have used the app to fight this, and I have gained a lot of progress. Now the first step to defeating a mental habit such as mine, often it is second nature, and in my case, if you see yoga pants, shorts, or tight jeans, your eyes go straight down. So the first step is noticing you do that, first after you do it, and finally before.
Right now I am in a in-between stage. I catch myself before and after. I just have to be more mindful, but whenever I let my mind slip, it reverts back to its old carnal self. And the second most important part of defeating a bad habit is Feedback. Now when I do look at an ass when I am not mindful, I can tell myself what a loser I am, and how I am still the same. . .OR I can be truthful. I am not the same old me, I have made progress. Before, I didn’t even second guess at a playful glance, but now I am. And when I am mindful, I actively do not allow myself to make the glance, it just happens to be that when I am not mindful, I do make the glance. This teaches me that my habit is still innate, and I have not gotten rid of it, and I just need to keep fighting the good fight.
So many people give up on changing their lives, because the negatively misinterpret their failures. They deny themselves the progress they have made, and they tell themselves that they’re hopeless. Let me be the first to tell you, that just is not true.
Tony Robbins says that the first step to making a major change is not seeing it worse than it is, and the next step is to see it better than it is. This is because when you convince yourself that you are seeing the truth, you are most likely still playing yourself down, and you have to examine your conclusions once again.
Be who you want to be.
The difference between a girl and a woman is a conversation.